Are you and/or your child experiencing anxiety right now? The Butterfly Hug may be a good prayer and calming technique for you to try. I’ve recorded a video to help your family learn this Butterfly Hug prayer, which was developed by a therapist in Mexico to help children who were dealing with trauma following a hurricane. While we may not be currently facing an actual hurricane, we are very much experiencing trauma. I pray this prayer practice brings feelings of peace to you and your family. Remember that it is a “practice.” which means it may not come easy to all of us right away. Practice makes better!
In talking with members of our church family in the past few days, I am realizing that COVID-19 and the loss that trails behind it is starting to hit very close to home for many of us. A member of our church family passed away last week from the virus. You may very well know others who have lost their lives recently, due to COVID or other causes. Unfortunately, there may be more in the coming days.
So how do we tell our kids about death and dying? How can we help them grieve? Last Fall, our Sunday School teachers participated in some training in how to help our children with grief. I have some of the highlights below and I’ve also added some more tips I found helpful in watching this recent webinar* on talking with children about death. I encourage you to watch the video, but here are some highlights.
Helping Kids Cope with Grief:
– Speak completely about death with children: “____ stopped breathing and they have died.” Avoid saying confusing things like, “_____ is sleeping for a long time.”
– Model openness and vulnerability for children: Name exactly how you’re feeling when you find yourself missing someone who died.
– Name that it is okay to laugh and be happy when you’re feeling sad and missing someone who has died.
– Encourage children to ask questions.
– Reflect on coping strategies that work well for you. Model these and name them for your child(ren). For example, “I need to go for a walk right now to help me think about my sadness.”
– Grief is not only about people dying. Our children may be currently grieving other things, like seeing friends, playing sports, going to church and school, etc.
– Follow kids’ leads for their preferred grief outlets: coloring, imaginative play, playing games, etc.
– Some children may be withdrawing into solitude in their rooms – keep inviting them to do activities as a family, like eating together, going for a walk, playing games, or whatever their interests might be.
– Talk about all of the helpers in your community and the extraordinary displays of love being shown by humanity right now!
– Don’t try to fix their feelings. Let them feel sad and affirm their sadness with statements like, “I feel sad, too.” Giving them space to feel their grief equips them for emotional regulation.
– Be patient with their grief process: your child might have big feelings about seemingly trivial things. (my son Henry was SO mad today that he couldn’t eat pizza for lunch!) This is part of their grief process.
Good Theology for Talking with Kids about Loss:
– Jesus came here to be human and show us all of the feelings. John said, “Jesus wept”. God’s faithful people do not always experience joy. It is okay to feel sadness and despair.
– When children ask tough questions, it is okay to tell them that we don’t know all of the answers. Have grace for yourselves. We don’t know the full nature of God.
– Children may need some sensory practices to help them remember God is with them. Light a candle, ring a bell or chime, or give them a rock to hold to remind them that God is near.
– Children can write a letter to God with their feelings. Tell them God is big enough to handle any feelings or thoughts they lift up.
– Go into the Psalms and read them with your child to show them that generations of people have suffered and asked questions of God.
– Reread the Holy Week scriptures together. Acknowledge the suffering Christ endured, while also reminding them that the story did not end with Christ’s death on the cross. Help them make spiritual meaning in this: what we are experiencing now is not the end!
– Be ready to theologically learn from your child. They can be the best theologians around!
Please know that our clergy and church staff are also here for you and your family right now. Feel free to email us or give us a call if you and/or your children need someone to talk with about big feelings. I also encourage you to join our PUMC Families WhatsApp group to share/receive ideas, prayer concerns, and to stay connected. While we cannot gather together physically, please know that your feelings are valid and that you are not alone!
Love,
Evangeline Burgers
Evangeline@PrincetonUMC.org
Director of Children’s Ministry at Princeton United Methodist Church
*The webinar involved two experts from Green Leaf Psychology (Dr. Jennifer McCollum, Licensed Clinical Psychologist) and Sandra Concannon, Marriage & Family Therapist, along with four from Lafayette-Orinda Presbyterian Church — Rev. Jaime Polson, Pastor for Family Ministry & Executive Leadership, Lori Robinson, Associate Director of Children’s Ministry, Keris Dahlkamp, Director of Youth Ministry, and the moderator, Ryan Timpte, Director of Children’s Ministry,
photo by Kathleen Barry, United Methodist Communications
This year, as on every Good Friday in the last decades, Hyosang Park, Princeton UMC’s music director, planned to observe the day by presenting a requiem, a musical composition in honor of the agony and death of Jesus Christ. Choir members enthusiastically responded to a question about what this concert means to them. Just to participate in the celebration of Holy Week was important for Edwin Francisco. “It is always moving and exciting,” according to Bill Suits.
“It’s meaningful that some of our concerts were dedicated to members who had passed on,” said Karen Hoagland.
The lyrics of a requiem, said Christine Wong, “encompass major themes of the Bible: the covenant of salvation from Abraham to his descendants; God’s wrath and judgment; and man’s fear and suffocation for deliverance from sins and death. It abundantly praises God’s holiness and highness.”
Plans for the Good Friday have changed (Princeton UMC will have a virtual service at 6 p.m.) and choir rehearsals are now virtual, but – singers — here’s an innovative way to get the Holy Week music experience.’ Choose your favorite score, find the youtube video, and – sing along!
Joan Nuse would likely pick the requiem by living British composer Bob Chilcott. “It was an amazing experience. The songs were uplifting!”
Lori Pantaleo’s favorites include the one requiem by John Rutter. The most difficult, she said, came from France, by Maurice Durufle (1947) and Luigi Cherubini, who wrote his Requiem in c minor in 1816 to honor Louis XVI. Other works in the Good Friday series were the “Seven Last Words” by Theodore Dubois in 1867, Faure’s Requiem (1890), Johann Sebastian Bach, Cantata 21, Anton Bruckner’s Requiem in d minor, Handel’s Messiah, and the 1837 Requiem in C minor by Michael Haydn.
This beautiful version of the John Rutter Requiem was dedicated to the tragedy at Emmanuel AME church in Charleston, South Carolina.
No matter what is on the program, or whether worshippers are present or online, Jenni Collins says she will look forward to “the intimate nature and the powerful emotion of a Good Friday service.”
Catherine Williams led the first Love Lives On group. This photo shows her farewell party.
by Kate Lasko
It is not a group people clamor to join, yet once in you can’t imagine leaving. Love Lives On is a group where church members who have lost loved ones meet two or three times a month for support and fellowship. The original group is five-plus years strong. Last year, Pastor Ginny Cetuk and LaVerna reached out to those of us whose losses are newer and rawer to form a smaller group within the established Love Lives On. Here we share stories of loved ones and in sharing, help each other process loss, cope with loneliness, and, most importantly, understand that grief does not disappear.
When Covid-19 made it clear that our meetings had to occur virtually, I wondered how distance would affect the closeness that our meetings have nurtured. When life was “normal,” we met in the youth room, sat on comfortable couches and chairs, the only adornments a table supporting a simple wooden cross, a candle, a Bible, and always, a comforting touch at the ready. At 3 p.m. I logged on and one by one familiar faces appeared. Yes the voices were a little tinny and the vocal delays a bit challenging, but Zoom had its advantages. It brought Ginny and Chris from Florida and allowed all of us to meet LaVerna’s cat, who made a guest appearance.
Of course, the most valuable advantage of technology during this quarantine is the ability to connect with others and share joys, concerns, and coping strategies. Duncan finds joy in cooking, LaVerna rereads a favorite collection of essays on the seven last words of Christ, Ida walks her beloved golden retriever, someone else blasts Beethoven, another journals, and everyone makes phone calls, no texts. As often happens in our meetings, the talking meandered down a variety of paths, and too soon, Pastor Ginny moved us to a closing prayer. As she spoke, I realized my concerns about closeness in distance were silly; only the setting had changed; the people were the same. Ginny was so right: “Through Christ, miles don’t matter.”
Thanks to the video conferencing program Zoom and the efforts of church staff, children and youth can participate in church life through Sunday School, Confirmation Class, Youth Fellowship – and even the children’s choir meets online with Tom Shelton, children’s and youth choir director.
For instance, at the 30-minute practice on April 1, Tom opened with fun vocal warmups, giving everyone a chance to demonstrate. With a short video, he reviewed what Palm Sunday means and connected it to Sunday’s worship. Children learned the “Hosanna” opening hymn to get ready to wave palms from their homes on Sunday.
Sometimes the children saw only Tom, sometimes they saw and heard one person singing a solo, sometimes their faces were spread out in a grid. “It does my heart good,” says Tom, when I look at all of their faces, and they are sitting up tall in their chairs at home and actually singing!
Connection is the most important part, Tom says. “These are troubling times. It’s nice to have some sense of normalcy or ‘routine’ when everything they are used to is ‘up in the air.’ They LOVE being together!”]
It is takes three times longer to plan a virtual class, practicing how to move from warm up exercises to showing a score. Mostly the singer’s screens are muted, but they unmute themselves to respond. “I love how much they want to be a leader and sing an example,” says Tom. “I have to be very conscious that It’s not ‘just singing,’ but that I’m stretching them musically, by asking questions and having them explain the answers or type the answer in the “chat” message box.
On April 15 the singers will enjoy a treat. They will reprise the musical from February in a virtual “sing along!”
Says Tom: “One positive thing – I’m growing a lot by doing this! I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks! “
Live Worship at 10am on Facebook or by Phone (929-436-2866 | Meeting ID: 249 876 072 | # after next prompt)
Communion! – gather bread and juice, wine, or water ahead of time (along with your candle, cross, or bible to create your sacred space)
Virtual Palm Parade – take a horizontal photo or video of you with your palm branch – we’ll be mailing you a palm branch and a paper one you can cut out and decorate or you can find any kind of branch from your yard or your walk outdoors. Send your photos or videos to Evangeline, upload it directly here, or respond to the post on our Facebook Page. Submit them by noon on Sunday! Be sure it’s horizontal!
Children’s Time – Ms. Hyosang will be teaching us how to make a cross out of a palm frond or a strip of paper. Have one ready!
Thursday, April 9 – Maundy Thursday
Live Worship at 6pm on Facebook or by Phone (929-436-2866 | Meeting ID: 249 876 072 | # after next prompt)
Communion – gather bread and juice, wine, or water ahead of time (along with your candle, cross, or bible to create your sacred space)
Foot or Hand Washing – gather a pitcher of water, a basin or bowl, towel(s)
Friday, April 10 – Good Friday
Live Worship at 6pm on Facebook or by Phone (929-436-2866 | Meeting ID: 249 876 072 | # after next prompt)
Tenebrae – gather 7 candles or other types of light. You’ll extinguish each one at different points in the service
Sunrise Service Live Worship at 6:30am on Facebook or by Phone (929-436-2866 | Meeting ID: 249 876 072 | # after next prompt)
Sunrise Service Communion – gather bread and juice, wine, or water ahead of time (along with your candle, cross, or bible to create your sacred space)
Live Worship at 10am on Facebook or by Phone (929-436-2866 | Meeting ID: 249 876 072 | # after next prompt)
Throughout Holy Week
Daily Prayer Stations – will be in your mailed worship packet and on our Website and Facebook.
Prayer Requests
Send prayer requests to be named in worship to Pastor Skitch by 9am on Sundays or respond to the weekly Facebook post
In Search Of. . .
Do you have a working knowledge of technologies, such as Zoom, Facebook, Google, basic video creation? (or a willingness to learn?) Do you have some time to offer?
Help us deepen our PUMC community and strengthen our tools for sharing God’s love with others by sharing your time and talents! So many great ideas have been shared to help us through this time of physical distancing and sheltering at home, and we need more people to help put them in action! Contact the office if you’re ready to help.
Office Update
Tuesday, March 31, was our secretary’s last day in the office as a result of our planned office ministry reorganization. Due to the COVID-19 crisis and some other delays, we have not yet hired people for either of our open positions. So we have an interim plan:
Jasmine Cianflone will continue to produce our weekly Happenings and monthly Newsletter as our virtual communications assistant until we hire for the Administrative and Communications Associate position.
Hyosang Park, our Music Director, will be caring for our virtual bulletins and other worship support.
We’re in the process of contracting with a virtual assistant firm for short-term, part-time help until we are able to hire. This schedule is still being set.
At a minimum, you should expect that phone messages left on our office phone (609-924-2613) and emails sent to our office address will be responded to within one business day. And your postal mail will be received and cared for appropriately.
We’ll share more as this plan develops.
Remember that the church building is closed to non-staff at this time.
Let Us Know!
As our time of physical distancing, staying at home, remote learning, and virtual worship continues, as we start to find a new normal amidst an ever changing and uncertain landscape, as the end of this season looms only vaguely in the distance, the challenge and difficulty only grows. We are not wired for this. We are as ill-prepared to live in social isolation as the hospitals are to treat the whole population at once. While video technology is a wonderful gift, it’s simply not the same as seeing one another face to face and embracing one another with a hug or handshake.
This will continue to take a toll on us, and we will all respond to it differently, with varying emotions and abilities to cope.
Worship and reaching out through various ways to be in touch with others are two healing acts (of many) we can do to help ourselves and one another through this time.
Please invite others who aren’t currently connected with a church (including those who used to be part of PUMC, but perhaps have moved away) to join in our worship and other ministries. Pay attention to people you are in conversation with who are struggling, and invite them to join us.
And if YOU are struggling with anxiety, fear, isolation, loneliness, financial stress, obtaining your basic necessities, grief, etc., please let a pastor or our Circle of Care know. If you need a listening ear or if you would like someone to pray with you, do not hesitate to reach out. Someone will respond!
I miss you all dearly, and I long for the time when we will gather again.
Last year, Pastor Ginny Cetuk and LaVerna reached out to those of us whose losses are newer and rawer to form a smaller group within the established Love Lives On. Here we share s
Thanks to the video conferencing program Zoom and the efforts of church staff, children and youth can participate in church life through Sunday School, Confirmation Class, Youth Fellowship – and even the children’s choir meets online with Tom Shelton, children’s and youth choir director.
Greetings Beloved PUMC Community!